Ryan Donnelly's Blog

Getting Past Judgement

When you are faced with rough times, doesn’t matter what the topic, far too many times we fear what it will look like to others.  We fear being judged as an object of failure and that people will look down on us or label us as weak.  The more we worry about how it looks, the more paralyzed in the problem we become.

E-mail after e-mail I get is about not only addiction but other aspects of life that start to drown people.  When the problem we face consumes more of our life, that is when we all to often become dormant.  When we worry about how our problem looks to others, we start to go to a low place.  Picture being in a basement of a house with cement shoes and flood waters rising around you.  The more you worry, the higher the waters rise.  How do we break free of the cement and walk up the stairwell out of the basement?

What needs to be done first is to look at the problem from a different perspective.  Imagine you’re able to look at the problem from the outside for a change.  Picture your dilema and imagine looking at it from the top of a mountain, or from the clouds.  Now look at your problem from space and see how small they are in relation to the Earth.  Is it really that huge of a problem that you can’t conquer it?  The answer is no.  We need to realize that all problems have solutions.  No matter how dark and desperate it may seem, or how stuck you feel in the moment, there is always a stairwell out.  It all depends on how bad you want to survive.  Will you do whatever it takes?

Once you have made a mental commitment to do anything needed for the solution, you need to accept where the power of your problems come from.  Everything in your life is controlled by your own mind.  Everything is subconsciously graded by importance.  What I want people to see is that you can change the way you think.  When you change your mental priorities, you change your whole foundation of life.  Let me give you an example.  In the beginning of my recovery, I was faced with a choice.  I could hang my head like a coward and go on living my life in shame of the terrible things I had done, or I could embrace my mistakes, learn from them and put them to use.  I chose the latter of the two options. I learned that the only true judge in your life  is your OWN conscience.

When this was accepted, my cement shoes broke apart, the flood waters drained and I knew that there was no problem I couldn’t handle.  If airing my dirty laundry for everyone to read gives somebody trust to confide in me and they seek treatment, then my mistakes were not committed in vain.  If you have an issue, no matter how large or small it may appear and you need someone to talk to, e-mail me and know that you will not be judged, I will do everything in my power to show you the stairwell.

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