Ryan Donnelly's Blog

Do Not Take It Personally

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A lot of the people that are reading this website are either going through a recovery, standing by someone who is, or at least knows of someone in a similar situation.

One of the first things I wanted to address when I got out of rehab was that everyone close to me knew that everything I did while using was not because of them, or anything they did or could have done. They were my actions and I had to own them. I didn’t want them to take it personally.

Usually it’s the parent of an addict that feel the most guilt, or the significant other. Either way, it’s important to know, coming from someone who did horrible things, that there was nothing anyone did that made me do what I did. It wasn’t my parents fault, my girlfriends fault, or my friends fault. No one made me take pills and become a thief.

Taking this type of situation personally is part of the process, and that I get now. I just wish when I was going through it, that someone could have pulled my family aside and told them exactly what I am telling all of you right now.

The sooner you stop feeling guilty, the quicker you can help in the addicts recovery. The last thing an addict needs upon returning from rehab, is the additional guilt that others feel on their behalf.

Remember, the past is in the past. Knowing that what’s done is done sometimes can help family members move forward. I know it did mine. I know that if we weren’t able to forget what had happened, and move forward, there would be no such thing as a new beginning for me. I was one of the lucky ones.

The best advice I can give to family members involved is to just be there. I’m not saying that if this is an addicts fifth or sixth relapse that these rules apply, but if you are just beginning in the journey, like I was this time last year, I suggest forgiveness. Forgiveness was what I needed to start over.

So, like I said, don’t take your loved ones addiction personally. More than likely the hurt they have caused you, is probably because they loved you the most. Hard to grasp I know, but so is addiction.

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