Ryan Donnelly's Blog



I have found that alot of struggling addicts, including myself at one point, constantly search for a motivating factor to drive them forward to a clean life.  Recently, two guys I have been in contact with who are trying to get clean keep bringing this up so I thought it was a good time to address the problem because its definitely a recurring topic.  So what makes you tick?  When you wake up in the morning, what drives you to accomplish the tasks at hand?  Some people, like Ryan, get fulfillment out of helping others.  Some people have a passion to take care of their family.  Whatever it is, we all have something that constantly drives us to be the best we can be.  In talking to these two people, as well as reflecting on my own personal experiences, it seems very hard to grasp this motivating factor when your not clean.  I constantly get the question, “How come I can’t find the motivation,” or, “I don’t get why this doesn’t motivate me.”  Well  here is my personal opinion on the topic.  And remember, this is only my opinion, so take it for what its worth.  
When your getting high, the ONLY motivating factor in your life is getting high.  It doesn’t matter what is in front of you, it won’t drive you to get clean.  I used to get extremely frustrated by this and I know there are some of you out there who do to.  A very important thing you must remember is that getting clean is a job.  It is extremely hard work and not all of you are going to wake up and say fu*k it I’m done using.  But don’t let that discourage you.  You need to understand that in this very moment, YOU have to make the choice.  Outside factors to motivate you will come and I assure you once you start to get clean they will be abundant.  But this takes a strong mind.  It takes a mind willing to take a chance on another life.  I like to say take a chance because that was my mentality.  Everyone is deifferent and you all have your ways to get clean.  But for me, I literally remembering holding my phone with Ryans number in the contact field waiting to send a text message.  So much of me wanted to close the phone and go get drugs.  But, at the same time, I thought screw it, just hit send and do this.  For that brief second in my drug induced state, I took a chance.  A chance at a new life of old.  A chance to be the old me I missed.  My point is, sometimes, you might not have such an easy way out.  Your going to have to do this on your own.  You are the one who has to stand up to that demon.  Mono e mono with no one in sight.  If you can do that, the motivation will come.  Just know that if you have the balls to stand up at that moment and say enough, you can do anything.  Take the chance knowing that you are powerful enough to do this.  Then let those motivating factors get in your system and go nuts and don’t look back.  
-I hope some of you can get some inspiration out of this and to anyone out there who needs someone to talk to you can contact me through Ryan who will give you my email.   

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