Ryan Donnelly's Blog

My Cover Is Unique

In today’s society, people have convinced themselves that they can judge anything and everything. We are our favorite critics. It seems that in every aspect, majority wins. Most people go with the flow in conversations with friends and acquaintances. People have an urge to fit in, be liked, respected by others. So that cover you put up is the same color as everyone around you. When deep down, most people would love to be honest. Love to tell a friend, “you know, I don’t agree with you at all, actually you sound like an asshole.” But most will be tight-lipped, afraid to open up and be REAL. Afraid that no one will have their back. People don’t like REAL. They want things to be smooth and controlled. Well I’m over it, I have my own cover, I follow no one, and I want people to start being themselves. Are you sick of following?

In the past year I have done more reading than all of my years combined. I’ve read more books than I can count. What was I looking for you may be thinking. Well I started to research the human mind. Interested in the way we think. Why are humans the way they are? I had so many questions, so I read everything I could. I was introduced to a new way of thinking by someone named Don Miguel Ruiz. His books were recommended to me by someone very close to me. They were the first step in opening my eyes. Then it was, Eckhart Tolle, Catherine Ingram, Dr. Wayne Dyer. The list is so long.

This whole year I kept quiet. I wanted to see if my actions would prove my sobriety, so I read and read. As I soaked in all this advice from these books it dawned on me. For the first time in my life, I genuinely could not care less what people thought of me. It was the most freeing feeling in the world. I was a sheep for so many years. I wanted to fit in so much, that the person I put out wasn’t even close to who I really was. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not an outlaw, or different just to be different. I’m just myself. Let me give you some examples. Growing up one of my favorite songs was by New Kids on the Block, it was called “Hangin Tough.” I cried at the end of “Marley and Me.” I like doing crafts with my girlfriend. I still sing in front of the mirror once in a while. I forgot to brush my teeth yesterday. And I used to love watching “sex in the city.” See where I’m going with this? Be REAL.

A few months back, I was out on a long run in Seaside Park. Where I crossed paths with a person from my past. It was the first time I had seen anyone from my old crew. He looked good, caught a little off guard, as was I, but it was nice to see him. Had a quick convo, about our lives. This guy has a big heart, he was someone you knew cared, he asked for my new phone number and I refused. Only because I believe everyone is better off now. And I was on my way. While running further away from him towards the peak of my run, I was brought back to the convo we just had. He said “Everyone understands if you don’t come around anymore, we are all sure you are embarrassed.” In that single phrase, everything was summed up. My past molded me to who I am now, I am the farthest thing from proud of my past actions, but embarrassed? NEVER

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