Ryan Donnelly's Blog

New Direction

I haven’t written in awhile.  In fact, I haven’t really even thought about writing.  For the first few months of my recovery, writing really helped me.  This blog was an outlet for me to get things off my chest.  It was like my shrink and it worked.  I thanked people, I apologized to people. But lately, I have had a different view on what I need/want to do.  Ryan and my family have been asking me to write again.  I’m not to sure if they think me not writing is me slacking off of my recovery or if they like reading my blogs.  Most likely, its a concern that I am not continuing the steps that got me to where I am now.  Approaching 3 months clean and I feel good.  Strong and determined.  I have my moments, and I mean moments.  It used to be days, but now it’s the occasional flash back.  But I move on.  I am not cocky either like the first time I tried to get clean.  I stay humble and realize this isn’t a trophy, it’s a deep scar.  A fresh wound that never really heals.  I continue to stay busy and be positive.  I want nothing more then to put this part of my life behind me but I hang on to it to remind me where I’ve come from and where I never want to go again. I want to thank Ryan and the FreeFromHell community for letting me get my word out there.  Thank you for the feedback and the extra push to keep moving forward.  You legit saved me.  I also want to add to those who read this and need help.  I still talk and meet with Ryan.  He will help you.  Whatever it takes he’ll get it done for you.  It took me one call.  The next day he was in my driveway.  If I didn’t call him, who knows where I would be.  You gotta do it.

My recovery has evolved, as it should.  For awhile it was writing and trying to help others, and I still want to do that as much as I can.  Always try to pay it forward.  But I also now have a new drive in me to succeed.  I have put all of my efforts into work and my family.  My attention isn’t fully focused on my recovery like it once was.  And that’s a hard thing for family to understand.  The trust issues are always going to be there.  I am ok with that.  I continue to live the right way to prove to them this is who I am now.  My recovery is a daily battle no doubt.  Everyday you work at it but as you continue to do the right things, you grow and it gets easier.  You don’t have to revolve around your addiction as much.  I can actually go to WAWA and not think about taking money out to meet up with someone.  Or if my parents give me 20 bucks to get gas I don’t even think twice about doing something stupid.  Thats a good feeling.  I will continue to write as often as I can.  I enjoy hearing everyone’s stories and its good to see that this blog continues to help others out there.  3 Months ago I thought I never was going to beat addiction.  But this blog and Ryan saved me.  FreeFromHell will always be stamped on me.

-To those of you trying to get clean, remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel and a life you have yet to discover.  Keep pushing and know that your not the only one out there.  One day at a time.

So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me, I’d like to thank my lucky stars
That I’m alive and well

It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive

And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin’ in and out’s a blessing, can’t you see?
Today’s the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive and well.

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